I’m Not Everything I Want to Be : AFF Review
★★★★☆
Photograph Credit: Libuše Jarcovjáková
I’m Not Everything I Want to Be chronicles the life of Czech photographer Libuše Jarcovjáková, known to some as the ‘Nan Goldin of Czechoslovakia’. With a runtime of merely 90 minutes, the film’s director Klára Tasovská manages to detail Jarcovjáková’s life from 1968 until 1989 purely through still photographs from her (Jarcovjáková)’s portfolio. Having documented every waking moment of her life, Jarcovjáková has immortalised countless experiences throughout her adolescence in black and white still photographs. From cityscapes and work at the printing press to parties and sex, I Am Not Everything I Want to Be is just as unfiltered as the work of Jarcovjáková.
The film opens with Jarcovjáková, aged 16, having just been rejected from university due to her family’s political stance. Disappointed and unsure of a next step, we become familiarised with Jarcovjáková’s inner voice through personal diary excerpts from the time. She details her emotional journey navigating an abortion, the aftermath of many parties and her escape from her country. Jarcovjáková’s photography blooms when she travels to Tokyo, visiting a friend experiencing postpartum psychosis. It is here where we are graced with the first colour film photographs that provide a beautiful contrast with the black and white of her previous work.
Photograph Credit: Libuše Jarcovjáková
Visually speaking, the film is stunning. Tasovská’s decision to maintain the aspect ratios of each image is a choice that is not lost on the audience. The consistency in the film’s authenticity is great, with minimal cross fades, static and inter titles aiding in creating a dynamic film.
I’m Not Everything I Want to Be is also extremely strong in its sound design. Sound designers Alexander Kashcheev and Michaela Patríková build up the world around the photographs, complimenting the voiceover and guiding the audience through the film.
Something of note was the recurring theme of nudity throughout Jarcovjáková’s portfolio. Through her work, she delves into the bodies of those around her and often focuses the lens on her own naked form. Not once did this feel voyeuristic in nature, but rather curious. It is an exploration of her craft and her body, a documentation of her aging as well as her sexuality.
I’m Not Everything I Want to Be is a stunning and introspective documentary that I believe to be destined for success. The unfiltered and fresh glimpse into the life of Libuše Jarcovjáková by the means of employing still images creates a unique edge whilst remaining authentic and engaging. This film is definitely for you if you are into alternative documentaries and film photography.
Photograph Credit: Libuše Jarcovjáková